Rabbits and Hatters
by Kuchiki-koo
Summary: Has Xerxes Break met his match? Alice is convinced that he has! But the Mad Hatter won't give up without a fight. So now they are having an all-out prank war! Who's side will come out on top? Read to find out! Continuation of 'Snap goes the Hatter'
1. Seeing Double

**Thank you to all those people who reviewed 'Snap goes the Hatter', because of your encouragement I have decided to continue the story, but I am posting it as another story because 'Snap goes the Hatter' doesn't seem like a good title for what's to come…**

**For those of you who have not read 'Snap goes the Hatter', I suggest that you do, or else you might not understand a few points in this story.**

**Do not own Pandora Hearts**

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**Seeing Double**

Alice took a huge bite out of her lunch, a beef pie. Considering that it was nearly twice the size of her head, it was no surprise that she bumped into passer bys as she wandered around Pandora's Headquarters.

Those who saw her coming quickly slipped away. Rumours had spread about her powers, through which she had broken several fingers of a single elusive servant of the Rainsworth family a few weeks ago.

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Break's arrival was now usually announced by a loud thumping, then the creative man would kick, elbow or slam open closet doors and then tumble out. His ever-present doll Emily now resembled a miniature mummy sitting on his shoulder, and had remained silent long enough that people were beginning to wonder. Somehow, he didn't come out of tables anymore, no matter how many cakes where heaped on it.

He accompanied Lady Sharon more than ever, refraining from both missions and paperwork. Some suspected that it was because she was the only one who would wordlessly open door for the Hatter, without any awkward questions.

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The B-Rabbit smiled to herself, it was almost a month now, and it was wonderful not to have any surprise entries by the clown. Maybe she should do something to that useless Seaweed Head, something with cats…

It was all Seaweed's fault anyway, he had started acting all mushie to her manservant, and Oz was completely ignoring her, so she had decided to go off on her own…until she realized that she was completely lost, but too proud to ask directions.

Then again, that white haired clown wasn't innocent either, telling Sharon that she had 'love problems'. Of course, Sharon insisted helping her, teaching her about romance, all because that clown couldn't keep his mouth shut.

She would teach him another lesson, she would show them all!

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As she rounded another corner, she heard Sharon talking to someone. She hid herself, and took another look at her 'big sister'.

Having discovered that she was talking about romance, Alice instead concentrated on revealing who she was talking to, who was currently out of sight. Surprise, surprise, a bit of white hair would sometimes bob into view.

Alice shifted the position of her half eaten pie, so that her hand was poised to throw…

"I can't let you do that, Miss Alice!"

"Eeeeeeeeeek!"

Someone had come up from behind her and snatched the to-be-projectile out of her hand, and the lone mortal who had the guts to do this appeared to be –

"CLOWN? B-but you, there – talking with Sharon? No wa-"

_Splat!_

Break shoved the pie into the B-Rabbit's face, effectively preventing her from speaking. Calmly leaving the dazed chain covered in meat and pastry, he walked over to Sharon.

"Thankyou for assistance, Milady."

"How are your fingers, Break?"

"They are fine. In fact, I can carry that mop you have been waving about." Break took the white mop out of Sharon's hand, giving one hand for her to inspect. After she indicated that she approved, the two headed toward the dining area, for some tea and cake.

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Later that evening, after Sharon had explained – or lectured, according to some –that she helped Break with his 'little lesson' because he was so pitiful, Alice murmured to herself quietly about recruits, and war.

Across the room, a single red eye swivelled around to look at her, and lips that were holding a lollipop stretched into a grin.

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**So, how was it? And recruits…maybe you have a few people in mind? Don't be shy to review, and leave ideas for both pranks and teams in there!**

**So far, Break has Sharon on his side…who will Alice go for? Its gonna be WAR!**


	2. Hostage!

**Thanks for the reviews! Here's chapter 2, Hostage!**

**So far, Break has Sharon on his side. Now, Alice also has a 'little helper'!**

**I don't own Pandora Hearts!**

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**Hostage**

Break was good at hiding things. He was actually quiet intelligent, at least according to him, but he acted like a complete lunatic. He also generally seemed happy and carefree. He wasn't. He could get worried, and he was worried right now.

Consuming enough sugar to coat Alice's breakfast, Break knew that she was missing. But how could that Rabbit get to her? Sure, he had left her at the mansion when he had to deal with a Chain that had a particularly 'fiery' personality – why didn't he ever think of making her fireproof? – But the Rabbit had gone with him. Besides, he had already checked her room.

Nothing unusual except for some empty biscuit tins… Biscuits? Oz, you are in for it…

"Choked on the sugar yet, Clown?" Break ignored the comment; he could hold both his alcohol and his sugar. Humming a little tune to himself, he gracefully lifted a tablecloth and promptly disappeared.

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The Hatter's frantic search came to an abrupt end, with his only eye still scanning the room around him.

Nothing…how come? Even though Oz did have a few stuffed toys – gifts from Ada – none were his precious Emily! Where was she? Who took her, if not Oz or Alice? Not that filthy sewer rat! He would cut her up, destroy her, and maybe throw her tattered remains into a fire…?

Heading back to the balcony where his mistress was having tea, he sank into a brooding hopelessness. That is, the Xerxes Break form of misery, which included crunching lollipops loudly, impersonating people in an insulting manner, and hitting people with closet doors when he made an unannounced entry.

This continued until after dinner, much to the annoyance of people with sensitive hearing and those who were unfortunate – or idiotic – enough to stand near closets.

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Break spat out the chewed stick of a lollipop, narrowly missing a servant girl. He had no leads about where she was – or 'it', as Oscar explained after hearing out his plight – and his 'preferred' suspects seemed innocent enough that he planned to drop by at the Nightray mansion, to question a man with the peculiar habit of destroying stuffed toys…

"Big brother Xerxes!"

Break tore his eyes from the window that he had been staring at, to see his mistress running towards him with a purple lump of cloth in her hand.

As she got nearer, Break recognised it as one of the toys Oz had in his room, the putrid purple colour that suggested that someone inexperienced had completed the dye job. But when Sharon had shoved it in his hand, his single eye widened in surprise. It was…Emily?

There was no mistaking the form he knew so well, Emily, who sat on his shoulder, Emily, who had the manners of a drunken butcher, Emily, who helped him manipulate people in such a subtle yet effective way…

Emily, who was now purple?

The Mad Hatter clenched his fists, and his eye narrowed to a slit. "You will pay! You will regret doing this!"

"Don't worry Break; the dye should come out with a few washings…" Sharon had absolutely no idea how to handle the situation; was Break in love with his doll or maybe the doll was a gift from a loved one… romance novels never did mention human-doll relationships…

"About time I had a wash!" squeaked Emily. "And I don't want you to recite romance novel, thank you very much!"

"Well, Milady, it would seem that you have found Emily, whereas I could not, even after my thorough search!"

"Oh, you make it sound like I went and looked for it – I mean her." Sharon blushed. "Actually, I just mentioned about how I was a bit worried about the way you've been acting, and Oz went to me and gave me Emily."

"Is that all that happened, Milady?"

"Well…Alice did kick Oz really hard just as I left to find you…"

"Traitor, Traitor!" cackled the doll.

"Oho, so he is, I suppose! But that doesn't mean that I will go soft on them!"

"Oh, Break."

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**Yay! Another chapter! Whaddaya think?**

**"If you think at all, you will review! _Click, clack_"**

**Emily! Manners like a drunken butcher, I tell you! But I guess it/she got my message across! So, who else should be on Alice's side? And Break?**

**By the way, I'm thinking of writing an Adventure fic, because you can only take writing so much humor… unless you're Break, of course!**


	3. Torn between Hatred

**Hehe, you guyz thought I dropped this, right? Heh, soz for the long wait. **

**Homework, my other story idea…oh, and I've drawn my first Break! ^o^ It's the hair that gives him his unique look…**

**So, I don't own Pandora Hearts, and I hope you enjoy! This is for all you Raven/Gil fans out there!**

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**Torn Between Hatred**

Raven was stalking the corridors of Pandora Headquarters. At least, that was what most people assumed, judging by the expression on his face. But in reality, he was just having a vast internal debate. And more importantly, it wasn't about Oz. Well, not directly, anyway.

Rabbits and Hatters. It was pretty obvious that everyone expected him to pick a side soon. But which one? Which side should he choose?

Hmm…well, what was good about Break's side? Lets see… other than a few points that would result in tooth decay, Raven really couldn't think of anything. But why not to join…oh, there were _so_ many reasons!

If it wasn't for that white headed creep, he wouldn't be with the Nightrays. _You could get you precious master back_…Raven snorted. Oz had gotten out by himself, more or less. Break was also the reason why he smoked: _All you need is…cigarettes! Oh, and a beard._ Hah. He should have realized that Break was messing with him. Eight times. _Eight!_ He had tried to quit smoking for eight times already, bordering on the ninth. Thanks a LOT, Break.

And how many times had that freak jumped out of a closet and given him a heart attack, or manipulated him – and Oz, poor Oz – into some dire situation,_ stupid Cheshire cat!_ Why did it have to be a cat, anyway? Or how many times had the man teased him? Endless teasing…

Yep, the only good thing about siding with Break would be to see Alice's face when she got pranked. Of course, there was always Alice's side…

That stupid rabbit would probably treat him like trash, making him go out all day to buy meat while she stuffed her face…and he would most likely be on the front lines against Break, he could see the bruises and laughing faces now…

Oz had said that she could be really sweet – _yeah, sure, when she's spent all her anger on me first!_ He had so many bad memories of her, from emptying his wallet to fill her bottomless stomach to her walking around in the Rainsworth Manor in nothing but a bed sheet – with the hosts in just the next room! So what if she had lost memories, she was going to get some new, and very painful, ones very, _very_ soon. He would make sure of that.

But for Break to be pushed from his place as "top trickster"… and to have a hand in his defeat! Well, it certainly was a good offer, _for once_.

He could hear them now:

_Seaweed head, useless, angry drunk, weakling, pathetic child…_

Thoroughly confused and still brooding, Raven wandered to some random balcony for a smoke.

_Curse you Break!_

He leaned over the balcony, to see a brunette chain sitting with his dear master. Always stealing all his attention!

_Curse you Alice!_

Raven, the dark mysterious type? With all that was going on, he was becoming more like the confused, brooding type.

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**Yeah, kinda feels like a filler chapter, doesn't it? I have another prank in mind, but I'm a bit stuck. I need another Alice pranks Break one. **

**If you have any prank, PM me or just tell me in a review, and your prank just might be picked! Yup, you could be the mastermind that concocts the nasty prank that Break will have to take in the face! Break pranks Alice chapter ideas are also welcome.**

**I'm thinking of making these story 10-15 chapters long, about 5 pranks each and then - DUN DUH DUN! – Mysterious Ending Chapters!**

**Well, I hope you enjoyed! Review, PM, LOL or anything. **


	4. P U Rabbit

**Yay! Another chapter! Alice gets pranked again! And in this particular chapter, Gil even has a line to say! Sharon has more than one, and so does Oz. Emily also speaks up! Finally!**

**I don't own Pandora Hearts, or else it would be more of a comedy!**

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**P. U. Rabbit**

Alice had finished her lunch. Oz had watched amazed as she devoured the entire dish of meat without a single pause. That was Alice, alright. What he didn't know was that the strongly flavoured meat had special sauce, prepared by a certain someone who wanted certain revenge against a certain chain. But Oz didn't know this, and neither did Alice.

Now that Alice had finished, she went to Oz. Chain hunting time! But when she had sat down next to him on the couch, she realized that something was wrong. But she didn't know what it was. So Alice, being Alice, asked Oz. That is, without considering that she had intruded on anyone's privacy or touched any sore subjects.

'Why are you making that face, Oz?'

'Uh, it's nothing, Alice,' Oz lied. He was making a face that suggested Alice was talking about cockroach dung. Or that he had just watched her eating cockroach dung. 'Look, I have to do something with uncle Oscar, you know, spend some time together, I did lose ten years…'

'Hmph. Whatever.' Alice did feel that she had done something wrong, but she couldn't think why. Maybe Oz was grossed out by her eating habits? Sharon did say that her dining manners were very un-ladylike.

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Alice sighed. So far, everyone had run away from her. She didn't look sick, she had checked several times already. She wasn't sick. Could she even get sick? She was a Chain, after all. Were they running away because she was a Chain? No, because the servants who made themselves scarce when she approached didn't even know that she was a Chain. So why was everybody avoiding her?

_Ding dong!_

Alice looked up from the carpet she had been glaring at. If there were guests, Oz or Seaweed or at least some human being would greet them. So she could probably sneak in amongst them and force someone to tell her what was wrong with her.

As she stealthily crept down the stairs, keeping in the shadows, she heard voices talking. Very familiar voices…

'Oho, Milady, stay away from Lord Oscar, he's a naughty one!'

'Break! You're never going to let me off what happened at Latowidge, are you?'

'None of those young ladies would, so why should I?'

_Oh great. It's __**him**__. Even if that isn't his voice, and if Oscar hadn't shouted his name, the way he's making fun of Oscar is proof enough. _Alice decided that if something was really wrong about her, then she didn't want the clown to find out. But just as she turned around to hide in her room…

'Oi! Stupid rabbit! Where are you heading off to? Overheard what Break said 'bout Oscar, eh? Eehehehe!'

'Emily! Tut tut! Hitting two birds with one stone now, are you?'

Alice took a deep breath, and proceeded to march down the stairs. Even if she was about to hand Break a joke on a platter, she was going to do it her tough B-Rabbit way. 'Emily's still a bit purple, isn't it? Or maybe you just can't see with that hair of yours!'

'Little sister! How are you?' Sharon Rainsworth squealed. She hugged Alice, and Alice growled at her. Then, something much unexpected happened.

Sharon let go, retreating behind Break. In fact, she had backed right up to the door, with a paper fan in her hand. But the fan was being used to…well fan. It was as though she was surrounded by a cloud of poisonous gas. At least, her expression suggested as much.

'Lady Sharon!'

'Milady?'

After a few gulps of fresh air, Sharon fired a question at Alice. 'What have you been eating?'

'Meat.' That evil aura seemed to make the fan look like a dangerous weapon…

Oz cleared his throat, and started miming something. Break tapped Sharon on the shoulder and pointed. After some whispered discussion among them, Sharon nodded and turned back to Alice.

'Alice, have people been avoiding you?' Alice nodded.

Sharon took a moment to gather up her courage, and then… 'Alice, you have bad breath. Very bad.'

Alice noted that Sharon was still trying to use her fan to whip up a tornado. 'What's bad breath, big sister Sharon?'

At this, Break decided to join the conversation, his voice muffled by a large coat sleeve. 'It's when you eat something bad and you breath becomes so obnoxiously foul smelling that most people can't stand to talk to you, Miss Alice!'

'Stinky and foul! Stinky and foul!' chanted Emily from his shoulder. Even the doll was pinching its nonexistent nose with one blue hand.

Angry, Alice looked at Oz, hoping that the clown was wrong. But Oz nodded silently, mimicking Emily's gesture. Desperate, Alice turned to Raven.

'Iz true, stubid wabbit.' The seaweed head was squeezing his nose that his words came out funny. This meant that it was probably serious.

Running towards any source of drinkable water, the brunette could only think of one person. _Break._

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Dinner at the Bezarius household was relatively peaceful without the B-Rabbit. No one was accused of being a seaweed head, and with no argument to start with, neither Break nor Emily had anything to work on. Ada freely sat next to and hugged Oz, happy that she could finally spend some time with her brother without school, the matter of crushes or her life being threatened. And Ada didn't throw a fit of anger every time Sharon talked to her about romance, dresses or tea.

As for Alice, well, her craving for meat seemed to have turned into a craving to wash her mouth. Break had recommended a change of diet - namely sweets and cakes – to replace the stench with something "sweeter". Alice had not agreed. She had also slammed the door in his grinning face.

People walking past her door late at night reported gurgling and spitting noises, and those who were taking a moonlit stroll could sometimes feel the sprinkle of rain…or a face full of garlic scented water.

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The next few days, Alice sniffed her food before eating it. Although Raven called her "some filthy beast" – which was pretty light, compared to what Break said – and she got more lectures from Sharon than ever, she didn't care.

_You ain't gonna get me any time soon_. She thought angrily. _But you better watch out, cuz I'm gonna get you back!_

And looking up from his plate of cake, her opponent smiled. Then, he carefully sliced out a small piece of cake, gracefully and deliberately brought it up to his nose, and inhaled deeply. The Hatter grinned. And Alice ground her teeth.

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**How was that chapter? Garlic breath…I really am running out of ideas. Help? I want this story to at least have ten chapters, after all. PLZ Review! And I don't like this ending…if nobody else likes it, I will change it.**


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